#include
     #include
     #include  /* Microsoft Network Connectivity library */ #include  /* 
     For the court of law */
     
     #define say(x) lie(x)
     #define computeruser ALL_WANT_TO_BUY_OUR_BUGWARE #define next_year soon
     #define the_product_is_ready_to_ship   another_beta_version
     
     void main()
     {
     if (latest_window_version>one_month_old) {
     if (there_are_still_bugs)
     market(bugfix);
     if (sales_drop_below_certain_point)
     raise(RUMOURS_ABOUT_A_NEW_BUGLESS_VERSION);
     }
     while(everyone_chats_about_new_version) {
     make_false_promise(it_will_be_multitasking); /* Standard Call, in lie.h */
     if (rumours_grow_wilder)
     make_false_promise(it_will_be_plug_n_play);
     if (rumours_grow_even_wilder)
     {
     market_time=ripe;
     say("It will be ready in one month); order(programmers, 
     stop_fixing_bugs_in_old_version);
     order(programmers, start_brainstorm_about_new_version); 
     order(marketingstaff, permission_to_spread_nonsense); vapourware=TRUE;
     break;
     }
     }
     switch (nasty_questions_of_the_worldpress) {
     case WHEN_WILL_IT_BE_READY:
     say("It will be ready in", today+30_days," we're just testing");
     break;
     case WILL_THIS_PLUG_AND_PLAY_THING_WORK:
     say("Yes it will work");
     ask(programmers, why_does_it_not_work); pretend(there_is_no_problem);
     break;
     case WHAT_ARE_MINIMAL_HARDWARE_REQUIREMENTS:
     say("It will run on a 8086 with lightning speed due to"
     " the 32 bits architecture");
     inform(INTEL, "Pentium sales will rise skyhigh"); inform(SAMSUNG, 
     "Start a new memorychip plant"
     "'cos all those customers will need at least 32 megs");
     inform(QUANTUM, "Thanks to our fatware your sales will triple");
     get_big_bonus(INTEL, SAMSUNG, QUANTUM); break;
     case DOES_MICROSOFT_GET_TOO_MUCH_INFLUENCE:
     say("Oh no, we are just here to make a better world for everyone");
     register(journalist, Big_Bill_Book); when(time_is_ripe)
     {
     arrest(journalist);
     brainwash(journalist);
     when(journalist_says_windows95_is_bugfree) {
     order(journalist, "write a nice objective article"); release 
     (journalist);
     }
     }
     break;
     }
     while (vapourware)
     {
     introduction_date++; /* Delay */
     if (no_one_believes_anymore_there_will_be_a_release)
     break;
     say("It will be ready in",today+ONE_MONTH);
     }
     release(beta_version)
     while (everyone_is_dumb_enough_to_buy_our_bugware) {
     bills_bank_account += 150*megabucks; 
     release(new_and_even_better_beta_version); 
     introduce(more_memory_requirements);
     if (customers_report_installation_problems) {
     say("that is a hardware problem, not a software problem"); if 
     (smart_customer_says_but_you_promised_plug_and_play)
     {
     ignore(customer);
     order(microsoft_intelligence_agency, "Keep an eye on this
     bastard");
     }
     }
     if ( bills_bank_account>skyhigh && marriage>two_years ) {
     divorce(woman_that_was_beatifull_when_I_married_her); wave(dollars, 
     at_lusty_chicks);
     marry(young_blond_virgin_with_big_boobies); 
     devirginize(young_blond_virgin_with_big_boobies); if 
     (boobies_start_to_hang)
     
     dump(young_blond_virgin_with_big_boobies);
     }
     if (there_is_another_company)
     {
     steal(their_ideas);
     accuse(compagny, stealing_our_ideas); hire(a_lot_of_lawyers); /* in 
     process.h */ wait(until_other_company_cannot_afford_another_lawsuit); 
     buy_out(other_company);
     }
     }
     /* Now everyone realizes that we sell bugware and they are all angry
     at us */
     order(plastic_surgeon, make_bill_look_like_poor_bastard); 
     buy(nice_little_island); hire(harem);
     laugh_at(everyone,
     for_having_the_patience_year_after_year_for_another_unfinished_version
     ); }
     
     
     void bugfix(void)
     {
     charge (a_lot_of_money)
     if (customer_says_he_does_not_want_to_pay_for_bugfix)
     say("It is not a bugfix but a new version");
     if (still_complaints)
     {
     ignore(customer);
     register(customer, big_Bill_book);
     /* We'll get him when everyone uses Billware!!*/
     }
     }

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